I had every intention of coming home and blogging away on some really frustrating political happenings. But, I promised myself I wouldn't until I caught up on my Bible study. Well, so much for the political rant. :)
I'm doing Beth Moore's David: Seeking a Heart Like His. Boy, has the Lord been exposing some ugly truths about my heart. It's heartbreaking as I face my wretchedness as a human being.
This week’s study has brought lessons of prayer, dependence, & trust. I'm finding that more times than not, my prayers are thoughts instead of intentional conversations between me and my Heavenly Father. I also tend to feel selfish for praying for my own needs or stupid for my emotions. David has shown me how wrong I am, and I want to share what I've learned. :)
I'll give you the Reader's Digest version of what's going on (1 Samuel 19-23):
Saul is King of Israel. God anointed David as the next King. Saul is INSANELY jealous of David & decides to try to kill him. Jonathon, Saul's son, is bff with David & warns him. So, David gets the heck out of Dodge. ((But, God is on David's side--so, inevitably, Saul will lose.))
During this time, David writes a couple of BEAUTIFUL Psalms. This is where I've been enlightened. :) I'm thinking--wow, David's done so much for this guy & for Israel, killed so many Philistines (Goliath included), AND not to mention the fact that he keeps Saul sane by playing the harp—now, they’re trying to KILL him?! Poor David!!!
My first thought was--what would I do in this situation? I'd cry & call my momma. But seriously, what do we do when we encounter less serious but less-than-fortunate situations in life? I'd venture to say that most of us call someone, complain to our friends, WORRY, feel sorry for ourselves, or post about it on Facebook.
While pondering this, I had a very intense emotional/spiritual moment when I read from David's heart in Psalm 142. David is hiding. Fearing for his life. In a cave. By himself. In the middle of nowhere, and he writes this beautiful prayer.
I cry aloud to the LORD; I lift up my voice to the LORD for mercy. I pour out before him my complaint; before him I tell my trouble.
When my spirit grows faint within me, it is you who watch over my way. In the path where I walk people have hidden a snare for me. Look and see, there is no one at my right hand; no one is concerned for me. I have no refuge; no one cares for my life.
I cry to you, LORD; I say, “You are my refuge, my portion in the land of the living.” Listen to my cry, for I am in desperate need; rescue me from those who pursue me, for they are too strong for me.
Set me free from my prison, that I may praise your name. Then the righteous will gather about me because of your goodness to me.
This lowly shepherd yet incredibly able warrior and ANOINTED one had no problem voicing his human emotions to the one Most High! He was frightened, weak, and felt so alone, BUT he trusted God & went directly to him.
David has really caused me to step back & re-evaluate my action/reaction to the situations in my life. What did David do? He prayed, cried, & complained TO GOD while he trusted, longed for, and confessed his need for his protector & deliverer.
Beth says, “David was a real man by anyone’s standards, yet he knew no better outlet than crying aloud to his God.” I agree with her in that, “sometimes we regard prayer as less practical when our need is more concrete.” David is described as a man after God’s own heart (so he must be right :))
I resolve to intentionally work to approach the throne of grace next time before calling my momma, sisters, or best friend to cry, complain, talk, or worry. I want to be a woman after God’s own heart.
Trust in Him at all time, O people; pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us. Psalm 62:8